8 Years

Dublin Core


8 Years


LGBTQ people
Parental Grief
Autobiographical memory
Lesbian Mothers


Facebook post to remember her stillborn daughter’s 8th birthday by a lesbian mother who lives in a rural US community with few other LGBTQ families in her immediate circle of friends.

Text reads: It’s [November 18th] again. Eight years ago today, I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms, and tried to figure out how to say hello and goodbye all at once.
This morning I sat down with [my twins], and told them the story of their oldest sister. (It’s something I did with [my second daughter] when she was an infant, too.) I know it will be years before they understand, but for now, I want them to have heard. I want them to know that this family is bigger than just what they see. I want them to know who she is, and why she’s important. I want her to know, too—she must know, wherever she is—how much she is remembered and loved…
As we do each fall, we will make a birthday donation in her name. This year, the charity we have chosen is MyStuff. Children who are taken from abusive situations to shelters or foster care often must leave behind all their belongings. MyStuff provides kids in crisis with a duffel bag full of toys, books, toiletries, a stuffed animal and a blanket. Their goal is to provide a bag to each of the 300,000 children who face these situations each year. You can join us in celebrating [Ella’s] life with your own donation, at www.mystuffbags.org.
It’s hard to believe eight whole years have gone by. When I close my eyes, it feels like just yesterday. Nothing—nothing—will ever erase the love I feel for this precious child. Having the chance, however brief, to be her mother, far outweighs the pain of losing her.
Happy Birthday, precious child. You will live on forever in my heart.

[Friend] This post makes me cry every year. This year is no exception.
37 minutes ago · Like

[Friend] Beautiful post. Thinking of you and your family.

30 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[Friend] Every year I think, how could the time pass so quickly? Still the images in my mind of [her] sweet baby face and that beautiful red hair are as vivid today as they were 8 years ago. I keep remembering everything I can remember about her, and somehow, I miss her too, though I never really knew her. Love to you and yours today, Mama.

17 minutes ago via mobile · Like


Participant in LGBTQ Reproductive Losses Research Project


Personal Collection of LGBTQ Reproductive Losses Study Participant




Circa 2014


Participant in LGBTQ Reproductive Losses Research Project
Craven, Christa
Lane-Davies, Hannah







Social Media Post
Still Image


8 years_01


Participant in LGBTQ Reproductive Losses Research Project, “8 Years,” LGBTQ+ Reproductive Loss, accessed June 15, 2024, https://lgbtqreproductiveloss.org/items/show/13.

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